Saying Goodbye
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What is it to have a dog?
To be loved. Unconditionally.
To be greeted. With excitement. Always.
To be looked upon with trust and loyalty.
To have companionship.
We always had a dog growing up. And I remember each time we had to say goodbye.
But yesterday was the first time I had to say goodbye to one of my very own. Not my parents’ dog. My dog.
I got Ebi and Ginger, affectionately referred to as “the girls”, 14 years ago. I knew Ebi was mine before she was even born – I staked my claim on the runt. And that was her. After being told that Beagles do better in pairs, it didn’t take much convincing to get two. And there was Ginger.
Both so tiny.
What a character Ebi turned out to be – snored so loudly, eating anything she could, humping anything she could. Paul and I often joked that she was either an angry old man or a chain-smoking hooker in her past life.
But she was also such a love. Gentle, sweet, quiet.
She was everything I ever wanted in a dog.
And up until 5 days ago, I couldn’t imagine life without her. But then her balance was off, her breathing was labored, and she lost her appetite (unthinkable for a Beagle.) Blood work and x-rays showed a massive tumor on her lung. Malignant and inoperable.
And just like that, I had to make the hardest decision I have ever been faced with.
And now she’s gone.
Ginger, my other love, has always been jealous of Ebi. But now, without her…she’s lost. She looks for her. Looks at me, with curiosity and depressed eyes.
And it’s surreal. No more separating food bowls, no more fighting for my lap, no more placing the mail underneath my arm because both hands were occupied by a leash.
Ebi and Ginger. Ginger and Ebi. Littermates. They’ve never known anything other than each other. And now there is only one.
It comes with such an unforgiving sadness and an ache that feels like it will never go away.
My dear sweet, Ebi. 14 precious years. And not enough for me. I miss you so much. You grabbed a piece of my heart from day one and never let go. I hope you’re somewhere playing hockey with beetle bugs and eating as much popcorn as your heart desires.
Your purple collar sits on my desk.
I’m so sorry about your doggies. I lost my first cat (like you the others had been my parents’) a year ago and I still miss her every day. It gets better, but it is always with you. I have 2 9- month old kittens now and they’re hysterical and I love them, but they’re not my Coco. But it’s good to know you can love again! I’ll think of you and your beautiful sweet dogs often.
Thank you, Edna. <3
I love my dog so much. This just made me cry. Hugs to you.
Hardest decision ever to have to make. I know this was a few months ago, but we miss our pets forever, even if the pain eases. I’m so sorry for your loss, Amy.
:'(
Just read this and I’m so sorry :( Reading it brought tears to my eyes. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, or what Ginger must feel. It must be terrible not to be able to explain it to her. My first pet (that I got myself as an adult) is my cat, L.C., and I periodically think about how one day she won’t be here anymore and I get so so sad. How wonderful that you were able to have 14 years with your little pup. You must have so many memories to remember her by :)
Thanks everyone for your kind and loving words of support. I appreciate it. Having a tough time… I know the sadness will subside over time, but right now it feels like it will last forever. I miss her terribly. Such an enormous loss :(
Amy, my heart breaks for you. My kitty Murray had a tumor in his jaw that literally pushed his jaw and eye. I can’t even begin to tell you the details and how he quickly went downhill in 6 months. Putting him down is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I bet Ebi and Murray are playing on Rainbow Bridge right now. He can eat popcorn while Murray eats bacon.
Such a difficult lost. I had this situation a couple of years ago. It’s so hard to see them go. But Im sure your family make her more than happy, the best of the lifes she could have. Time ends before we want, but love will be there forever.
I’m sitting here with tears pouring down my face. We have two beagles, and about three years ago, lost our sweet beagle, Heidi. I had to convince my husband that we really did want a beagle, and that old girl changed his life. He will tell you that when we lost her, he didn’t realize that he could cry that hard. We still miss her, but our two rescue beagle babies have helped mend our heart. Poor Ginger. Poor you. It’s without a doubt the hardest thing that one has to go through, but also one of the most unselfish things to do. She is at the Rainbow Bridge, and will be waiting for you someday, and running and chasing beetle bugs and eating as much popcorn as she wants (and having to share it with our Heidi). I’m thinking about your family.
Amy, I can not believe how this mirrors my own experiences. I got my 2 dachshunds, Reedy & Lady, 15 years ago, they weren’t siblings but they were born the same day and we brought them home together in a box. Raised together, happy & mostly healthy until a few weeks ago, on a Sunday, Reedy wouldn’t eat. And we know something was terribly wrong because our girl was the best eater ever. 5 days later we had to say goodbye. I know exactly what you’re going through, it’s still fresh in my mind even though it was now 6 weeks ago. Hang in there.
I’m so, so sorry to hear about your loss. Dogs are the best companions. I’m sure she felt your love each and every day of those 14 years.
I am so sorry for your loss, Amy! It sounds like a cliche, but at least you had her companionship for 14 years ~ 14 years of unconditional love that will always remain with you. I hope Ginger and the rest of your family are doing okay. *BIG HUGS*
Love you chica. And thinking of you!
I couldn’t get through your post the first time and now I sit with tears knowing what you’re going through and feeling sadness with you. Ebi was such a sweet, loveable girl. I hope all of the happy memories bring you comfort now and in the days to come. Only time eases the sadness and only by a little bit. Hugs to you, friend-
I can’t add to much what was beautifully stated in the comments. I am crying, aching, right there with you. I too am grateful to have met Ebi, such a sweet sweet pup. Lots and lots of love to you and your family! xoxoxoxox Rach
Oh Amy. Such a beautiful post. May Ebi run free, and may your sweet memories of her never fade. Lots of love to you and the family, including Ginger girl.
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband and I are going through a similar loss. Our mixed breed collie was 14 years old and we had to euthanize him. It was such a hard decision to make. He had bone cancer. Ozzie had the sweetest nature: never in 14 years did he ever snap or growl at anyone. He adored children and they adored him. He was my walking companion for many years and I miss him so much. I know how much you must miss your Ebi!
I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face. I grew up with beagles, I know what it is to lose those funny little stinkers who burrow their noses right into your heart. And I’m so sad not just for you, but for little Ginger missing her buddy. My heart aches for you today. So much love to you. <3
Such a lovely tribute! She was so lucky to have you, as you were to have her. (((Hugs)))
I too am a Beagle person (you really need to be in order to *appreciate* them!!:) – and sadly have been where you are now more than a few times. I believe they taught me how much the love of a good dog can bring to your life! And now I am passing that down to my daughters ;)
How blessed Ebi was to have such a loving home and family for her entire life! What more could one ask for? :)
Best thoughts and prayers for you and your family!